I still believe in generosity
And I still believe in love
Every time I think of you, I still see you above what I am
or what you are
I'm still waiting on the next word
The best word
The absurd
I breathe in slowly, deliberately
So as to not catch the reality as it tries to pass my lips
to reach my brain and fill my heart with truth
to liberate the chains I chose in youth
Grow!!! - says the man in the clouds...
He rumbles and quakes the Earth around me
in frustration at the child throwing a temper tantrum
screaming NO
I will WILL things into what I want them to be
I will not accept defeat as the final word
NO
I will make him love me
If I dress better, speak better, plan better
He will be mine yet
I will hold on
Not for his sake but
Because I am scared to not believe in love
Scared that I will not believe in generosity
Scared with what I will now do
With lack of reciprocity
